Join a Band

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Do your PT.
Aside from just enjoying the bands more than dumbells, I like the way progression is conveyed through color. For the moment, that’s the closest I think I will be getting to karate belts, and I love it.

So far, I’ve been promoted twice! While this really only means that I’ve moved closer to average, that still gives me the happies!

Working out in a chair. I can do it! 💪

Afterwards

At the moment, my biggest concern is lethargy and weight gain. I don’t know the cause. My usually wonderful doctors have been entertaining in trying to come up with their theories.

  • No, not depressed. At least as far as I know, I’m not. Like anyone else, I have good days and bad, but that’s part of living, isn’t it? It’s also, admittedly, a bit of a bummer when, after all this craziness, I am still tired and overweight 😛

 

  • I am not having an anxiety attack when I get tired from exercising. I’d like to award points for effort, but no. Sorry.

 

  • A nurse guessed the hysterectomy, and I’m far more inclined to believe that than anything else I’ve heard thus far.

 

As for me… well, I’m with my readers, who’ve guessed it’s probably a combo deal: hysterectomy + sitting around recovering + maybe the meds… I’m going to ask more docs for their input.

What I’m doing: Keeping in mind that we are only mid-week, so far this week has been about trying to reverse some bad habits I’ve picked up. Yes, I’ve eaten things I wasn’t eating before… but not enough to account for the switch from a M to an XL. Sorry, no. (Can I add that it’s reallllllly annoying when drs who really don’t know my case throw out guesses like that. No, I’m not just fat. I think I know my own body.)

 

Baby Steps

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Girlfriend got me this pedometer for the holidays. It’s an apt metaphor, and I also like it. It doesn’t ask a lot of me in regard to upload/download overload. I just clip and go, which makes me want to use it more.

Just a reminder… I had surgeries and procedures and this, that and the other thing, so please no judgements when I start talking numbers.

In other words, I am starting from a near-geriatric pace. I know that. It’s ok. For me, it’s more about being able to sustain motion… which I can’t do as well as I would like right now. I am also starting from a point of obesity- also, for real, need no judgement- because it’s related to the medical challenges I’ve faced.

The good news is, I am feeling better enough to start… something. I would not call it exercise, but I guess, yes, it’s exercising. I’m walking around places just to get the feel for walking. I’m counting steps to know my limits when I overdo it. And it’s helping. I can do this.

 

More This & That

1 You’re gonna do WHAT with that?

I need a colonoscopy… and it’s coming up soon. I am mostly ok with it- not looking forward to it, but it will be nice to have the results.

 

2 MMM cookies!

I got “fat”. Please, let me call it what it is. Everyone irl has been sparing my feelings, which is nice, but a weight gain of about 15 lbs makes me feel fat. After everything I’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to just blurt it out, I think.

And why did I get fat? Well, I can now eat things I couldn’t eat before, and that is awesome. At least, that *may* be part of it. The other part is me trying to figure out the ins and outs of surgical menopause, which isn’t easy.

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One of many exasperating, but not painful, symptoms.

But on the bright side, there’s this:

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Yes, I am referencing actual dairy-based ice cream! I can eat it now! It turns out, the problems I experienced were due to my malfunctioning gallbladder! That’s pretty much all I’ve tried, but I’m looking forward to trying other former problem foods.

 

5

Yay! No more periods!

Boo! Surgical menopause is almost exactly like PMS (for me), but without the pain.

I’ve been cooking and eating, so there will be more of those types of posts on the way. But, I might not get to it until after the exam, for obvious reasons.

 

Take care! 🙂

Stuff and Nonsense

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It’s Week 17 since the surgery, and a few weeks out from the surprise stay. I’ve been trying to think of inspirational and/or funny posts, but the truth is, I’m not always all that inspired or funny.

Things are going fine in the grand scheme of things. I’ve been able to eat things I really shouldn’t be eating. I’ve been drinking soda again since about a month after the surgery. I’m not proud of this, but there are far worse habits out there. My plan is to get back on the water train, but I will finish what’s already around first.

I’ve been able to do a little somethin’-somethin’ with my beauty regimen. I no longer have to stick to unscented, un-anything types of products. So, since the incision healed, I’ve been using a lavender body wash/shampoo combo, which has been appropriate for the chill mood I’ve been trying to work.

Truth be told, I’ve been getting some flack for not getting my act together faster, and it’s affected my mood. Some people get motivated by that sort of criticism. I don’t. Especially when I was just starting to get back on my feet and feel good again. This isn’t a rant blog, but this has been a part of my life since I wrote last, and if you want the facts, I feel like I must include it. I’m sure everyone has their own versions of this on the road to surgery recovery- that well-meaning friend or relative who thinks you can leap large buildings in a single bound, while you would just be happy to walk to one.

I kayaked with Girlfriend, which confused everyone but her. I should say: “She helped me into the boat, pushed me off, then pulled me back in when I was finished”, but that takes too long. She also found delightful little spots for us to take breaks and sat there and played floaty with her boat so I’d stop and rest. So, um, technically, I kayaked, but mostly I took pictures of nature and put my feet and hands in the water.

I actually did walk around with a sports bra and shorts while we were at the cabin. She’d gotten me these scar patch things that I used to protect my scars from the sun. But, while we were out boating, I felt a little too shy and a little too worried about exposing them like that. It just felt better to have a bathing suit on over them.

The scar itself is still huge, long, and purple. I don’t think I have average feelings about it, compared to what I see elsewhere. Mostly, I feel proud that I survived. I never had the courage to get a tattoo, and this is kind of like one. Though, at the same time, I also hope it fades. It will take at least a year before I will know for sure. I am lucky that Girlfriend is not squeamish- she has seen the scar since I started taking pictures of it, and heard me talking about it since Day 1. So, I don’t feel like I have to hide it from her, which is very nice. I can’t imagine what those feelings must be like, on top of actually experiencing surgery.

…Just a little of this and that.

Spring Cleaning

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Cooking and cleaning have not been high on my list of priorities, due to some health issues I’ve been experiencing.

While researching possible scenarios, I kept seeing things like, “Make sure you vacuum and do your laundry beforehand!”, “Clean the house ahead of time!”. It all read so terribly sexist to me- as if women don’t have anyone else to help them out. It also short-staffs the people in these women’s lives- either assuming they don’t help out regularly, or that they wouldn’t step up to help when needed.

Girlfriend does not live with me, I have a terrific support network, and I’m aware enough of gender bias to be writing about it, yet… I wanted to clean by myself. I attribute it to a confluence of spring fever, PMS, and worry. I hate to even mention the PMS, as it tends to scare people away, but it is definitely there. As for the worry, well, with the fixing of the problems comes the uncertainty of the afterwards, but a nice side effect of this is that physical activity can be great stress relief.

But, have you ever tried to do something you normally do when your body isn’t quite where it should be? It was almost laughable- tasks that took me half a day ended up taking an entire one. Things that had been no problem in the past had to be split up over the course of several days. Annoying, to say the least, but also eye-opening. One of the hardest things for me has been dealing with the wackiness of things not working like they used to, and being unable to predict when, exactly, that might happen. As a formerly somewhat active person, I have also berated myself for “being lazy”, enough though the weirdness I’m experiencing is enough to impress even the most experienced of doctors.

I’m sorry about being a little vague… but even writing this much is hard for me emotionally right now. It’s easier to tell you about the practical aspects, the more personal struggle of “why can’t I do this thing I’ve always done?”, which is ultimately more of an issue that readers actually can help with, anyway.