More about PT, I guess.

I’ve written about PT here and there. TL;DR- I’m a fan. Sure it exhausts you, makes you sore, puts you to sleep afterwards… but, I feel it’s worth it. I just feel like, “I need this ankle for the rest of my life, therefore, it is worth putting the time in.”

Anyway, I just looked at my old regimen from the ankle-fixing shop. It is astounding to me how far I’ve come. Those exercises were done either in bed or in a wheelchair. I look at them now, and some of them seem absurd to me. ” ‘Lift your leg and hold it while you are seated.’- Are you joking? ” It’s a stark reminder of what it was like.

I apologize if it sounds like I’m bragging or talking about something everybody knows about. It’s just- this is the first time I’ve broken a bone, and it’s all so new. Nobody ever tells you these things. It was all strange to me, and the experience profoundly affected me.

 

 

 

My Two Cents

 

I’ve seen OITNB, Trolls, GirlBoss, and GLOW over the last few weeks. I liked all of them. OITNB was not well-received this season, but I found it… on point, I guess? “Good” isn’t really the right word for the season, but things like “well-portrayed” fit.

I found Trolls surprisingly moving at times, and visually lush. The music was great at times as well.

GirlBoss and GLOW… are both a little problematic for me, even though I enjoyed them. After I watched these, I looked up the real-life inspiration. I just don’t think I’d like the person GB was based off of, and oh, goodness, to read what the actual women of the real GLOW dealt with, and where they are or aren’t now was a little hard to take. The fact that the characters they helped create are being used on a show, (albeit with fictionalization), with no kickbacks coming to them is hard to reconcile.

 

Update

So, the boot is history. I need to clean it up before I put it away.

The rolling cart will go to someone in need, who has already asked for it. I love my cart and was planning to keep it, but honestly…

I can do things now to tolerance. Mostly, I’m just trying to walk properly and not get too tired.

PT got cut short. Shame bc I do my workouts. I try my hardest, even when I’m worn out and sore. But, they said they’d give me some things I can do at home, and that’s almost as good, I guess.

All but one of the marigolds look ok to me. I don’t really want to buy just one marigold. Especially since I paid for 4. Shame on me for going somewhere with a no-return policy.

Learning to walk again

…both metaphorically and literally.

I’ve been out of work since the abdominal drama a while back, and it’s made me think hard about what I want out of life and how I got turned around. Mostly this is an internal dialogue, but I just put this in for those who know what I am talking about.

I had prospects, great prospects, and I took a few off ramps, mostly for other people. My family gives me shit for not coming through, but mostly it was for them. I missed a lot, the world changed, I missed them. Now, it’s a thousand years later, and I’m being cryptic on wordpress because I can’t talk to them about it. Excuses, they’d say. Or so it goes in my head.

Perfectionism is something I inherited, and I often feel like I’m never doing enough. And now I feel like my friends and family are passing me by, while I stand wondering what happened.

Most people outside the situation give me reassurance in the form of, “Hello, you just went through a series of surgeries, which are major life events”. And part of my answers that, and part of me doesn’t hear it, or can’t hear it. So, I’m the black sheep, the disappointment… and when I try to paint my wool, you can see right through it.

 

Plan for the day you are hit by a bus

I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha

 

In the US workforce, there’s an expression, “Plan for the day you are hit by a bus.” It means that a smart employer, and an understanding employee would know better than to make one person “indispensable”. I use quotes because none of us are indispensable. The best we can hope for is to make ourselves valuable.

So, that day when you are hit by the metaphorical bus, what happens? You are busy performing triage on the situation, meanwhile, life continues on….

All of the sudden, it is May. I was in the nursing home/rehab/I mostly called it hospital when writing about it… almost exactly TWO MONTHS. Right now, I feel as if I would no longer choose inpatient rehab. Yes, there should be a dash in that word, but the way I have it is much more appropriate.

I was treated in what is basically an old folks home. I am not that old of a folk. But, I’ve mentioned before, our healthcare works in mysterious ways. I don’t think I would make the same decision now, but understand, I was asked the question while heavily medicated post-surgery and in a hospital bed, and I did not want to burden my family.

But, on to the present… I have bills near due and possibly past due, my favorite plant is nearly gone, my rice milk sat in the fridge since March…. I’m just really overwhelmed. I decided to stop all my meds bc I am tired of it, but I am wondering if I should go back on one. But, the thing is, it is normal and natural to feel overwhelmed in a situation like this, yes? So, I don’t know.

When we last left my life, I was trying to find a job. The only interesting thing that happened on this front was that I filled out a questionnaire… I had to borrow an outdated machine to do it, but of course, I was grateful. I haven’t heard anything since then, so onward.

I am supposed to start outpatient PT in a couple of weeks. Right now, in this moment, I don’t feel like going. I am sick of Drs and hospitals and everything having to do with them.

My life in the old folks home consisted of me going to music classes to prepare for the yearly talent show. I also did arts and crafts. That part of life was sweet. I made friends and influenced no one. People said such wonderful things to me when I was leaving- that I was beautiful and kind hearted and that they will miss talking to me. I will miss this.

I am totally overwhelmed because I don’t have tons of help. GF helps, but wants me, quite rightly, to be independent. This is hard, because when we are weak, we tend to overburden those we love. I think my friends and family are sick of me being sick. GF says I have been feeling sorry for myself. I do. And I feel jealous of people who seem to have their lives together more than I do. Friends and family who are married with kids, living in houses…

So, it’s a tough day, internet friends, but your posts are a great distraction…

 

Join a Band

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Do your PT.
Aside from just enjoying the bands more than dumbells, I like the way progression is conveyed through color. For the moment, that’s the closest I think I will be getting to karate belts, and I love it.

So far, I’ve been promoted twice! While this really only means that I’ve moved closer to average, that still gives me the happies!

Working out in a chair. I can do it! 💪

Afterwards

At the moment, my biggest concern is lethargy and weight gain. I don’t know the cause. My usually wonderful doctors have been entertaining in trying to come up with their theories.

  • No, not depressed. At least as far as I know, I’m not. Like anyone else, I have good days and bad, but that’s part of living, isn’t it? It’s also, admittedly, a bit of a bummer when, after all this craziness, I am still tired and overweight 😛

 

  • I am not having an anxiety attack when I get tired from exercising. I’d like to award points for effort, but no. Sorry.

 

  • A nurse guessed the hysterectomy, and I’m far more inclined to believe that than anything else I’ve heard thus far.

 

As for me… well, I’m with my readers, who’ve guessed it’s probably a combo deal: hysterectomy + sitting around recovering + maybe the meds… I’m going to ask more docs for their input.

What I’m doing: Keeping in mind that we are only mid-week, so far this week has been about trying to reverse some bad habits I’ve picked up. Yes, I’ve eaten things I wasn’t eating before… but not enough to account for the switch from a M to an XL. Sorry, no. (Can I add that it’s reallllllly annoying when drs who really don’t know my case throw out guesses like that. No, I’m not just fat. I think I know my own body.)

 

Baby Steps

1

Girlfriend got me this pedometer for the holidays. It’s an apt metaphor, and I also like it. It doesn’t ask a lot of me in regard to upload/download overload. I just clip and go, which makes me want to use it more.

Just a reminder… I had surgeries and procedures and this, that and the other thing, so please no judgements when I start talking numbers.

In other words, I am starting from a near-geriatric pace. I know that. It’s ok. For me, it’s more about being able to sustain motion… which I can’t do as well as I would like right now. I am also starting from a point of obesity- also, for real, need no judgement- because it’s related to the medical challenges I’ve faced.

The good news is, I am feeling better enough to start… something. I would not call it exercise, but I guess, yes, it’s exercising. I’m walking around places just to get the feel for walking. I’m counting steps to know my limits when I overdo it. And it’s helping. I can do this.