Give Me Strength.

We have a right to be angry…

Stressor continues to greet me as though I am the largest piece of shit in the world. It makes it difficult to keep a solid day of believing in myself. I can’t avoid this person (well, any more than I have been), so mostly I’m just venting here for venting’s sake, and maybe a little reassurance.

An old friend of mine wrote to ask my opinion on something. On the one hand, it was overwhelming- because she was asking for a considered opinion, not a one-word answer. On the other, it was validating that she sees me as someone whose opinions are sought after.

The job hunt has not been going well in terms of seeing fruit for my labor. I have been vigilant and thorough in presenting myself in my best possible light, but so far, nothing. As we discussed in my last blog, I needed to step away and maybe find some balance. It. Is. Not. Easy. I’ll tell you that much. With me stressing myself out, bystanders asking how things are going, and Stressor breathing down my neck…

So, I have taken some time to do some “me stuff”. I got a haircut, teeth cleaned, etc. I spent today cleaning set-in stains off of my pillow and mattress cover- stains that happened during the medical stuff, and that really just bummed me out colossally thereafter.

I also did some cleaning up in the craft room. Again, I found some stuff from Xmas. I’m not really surprised. Things were much harder than… I went back and read my posts from the last two years. It shocked me. And validated me.

Girlfriend has been lovely, but she also wants me to be able to stand on my own two feet. At least she’s usually kinder about it though.

I also trimmed and polished my toenails, and I’m loving them. I did my fingernails, too, but the polish has since worn off.

My ankle continues to improve, but I keep tripping up on various things, which has made recovery from the break harder.

“Shake, clean, work it like a washing machine!”

I feel like cleaning. Whether it’s a result of hormone fluctuation or simply feeling better, I don’t know, but I’m happy it’s here. When you become/are ill for long periods of time, there are things that fall by the wayside. My normal state of order, both inside and outside, fell apart. If you can’t move, you most certainly cannot do much of anything, never mind cleaning.

I cleaned before having surgery. But, even then, I was still feeling pretty awful. So while I’d made sure I was coming back to clean sheets and eating surfaces, anything beyond that was not happening. I put away my perfectionism not by choice, but because I had to.

So, I’m finding all sorts of reminders of just how bad it was: a brochure from last Xmas, bits of paper with reminders on them, things I’d set aside in the midst of the craziness. Naturally, to do this right, I am setting myself up for a big job, and I just hope I am up to the challenge. I am sore, and I am in pain, but I know where I went wrong, and I stopped as soon as I felt pain. I will take things more slowly as I continue, but I am thrilled to both want to, and be able to. You don’t know how much you miss simple tasks of everyday living until they are taken away from you. I might not be perfect, but I feel good, and that’s something to be thankful for.

 

Cookies

2

I used to make cookies all the time, but had stopped by the time my partner came into my life. I thought I’d been into cookies, ha! When I met her, she was mailing huge multi-pound boxes of cookies all over the place every year for the holidays. And she’s great at it… so I felt a little like, “ok, you’ve got this.”

But the truth is, I love making cookies- how the aroma permeates the air, how you tell yourself you are going to just try one, “to see how they turned out”, and one turns into more than one. I like my cookies relatively plain. Most of the fancier cookies I’m allergic to anyway. Give me a chocolate chip cookie any day, and I’m happy.

So, these are my cookies, made with the help of pre-packaged ingredients lovingly assembled by my cookie expert. The recipe came from the back of the chocolate chip bag. And, of course, they are the best ones I’ve made to date.

Love and Food

How do I know you love me?

You gave me food when things were horrible and you knew I was living on french fries and Cheerios.

You bought me rice milk the first time I came over, and continue to do so, even though you love your whole milk like someone in a commercial.

Peanut butter is one of your favorite foods, but you don’t eat it when I’m around because you don’t want me to get sick.

You went out of your way to make foods I liked, even though up until then everyone in my life said cooking for me was difficult. What’s even more meaningful is that you still do it.

You got me to try foods I thought I couldn’t eat, and feel safe enough to do so.

You support my blogging, even though your natural skill in the kitchen far surpasses my creative attempts.

A quick thank you…

I’m still working on my response posts for each award, so this is just a quick thank you to three of my favorite bloggers for being kind enough to nominate me.

If you haven’t checked out these three blogs, you really should. There’s a reason all three are on my daily read list!

.

Peri’s Spice Ladle

Healthy Frenchie

Dispatches from the Gypsy Roller

.