Update

Start your day of strong… #janeway #voyager #coffee #startrek #borg #scifi #sciencefiction #geek #nerd #coffeebeans #energy #coffeetime

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Yeah, I barely worked out this week. I went to one yoga class, which was a total bust. There’s nothing that can de-motivate a person like attending a class that’s supposed to be low-level, only to have the instructors be pushing it much harder than advertised. I can barely walk sometimes. I just want to get my stretch on. So, I don’t know about group exercise so far. Right now, it’s not working for me.

I also angered my injury the other day in a not-good way, and have been in pain ever since. I can feel it’s just angry- it’s not epically re-injured or anything… but yeah. And yes, I know to take it easy… was just in one of those can’t-win situations and whoop, there it is…

I’ve been re-watching GLOW and honestly, at this point, I’m pretty deep into it. I hope next season is just as good. There’s really nothing like it.

Despite being in pain, I am wavering on whether or not I want to go out today to get a few things done. Resting may win out.

I saw an old-ish interview with zelda williams, and man, she is a badass. She sounds like a person who has her shit together.

Oh, I’ve also watched interviews with many of the GLOW actresses, and the ones I saw seemed really intelligent. Though, there was this one interview I didn’t like as much because the interviewers took it in a kind of vapid direction.

I am not ready for fall. No, no, I don’t wanna, in the style of lego batman. I woke up from a sound sleep shivering. Not. Ready.

I bought some terrible coffee grounds the other day. So awful. I actually checked to see if they’d take them back. They did. Thanks, nice coffee-purveyors!

Hoping to be able to move in a few months or so, but even thinking about it is very stressful. I’ve been researching that and Other Things I Would Do If I Had Money. Even in the hypothetical, it’s kind of more stressful than fun to me. Why are cellphones so damn expensive? Why do they make them to only last a few years, when we are still basically in a recession? Blah. I mean, I’m not naive, I know these people aren’t in the business of charity… but it would look nice for their public images to have something accessible. Then again, they haven’t asked me…

Why do people not write you back when you ask them shit? Whatever. Just makes me not buy your thing. (In this case it was an apartment- which I’m not ready for yet, (just researching), but I was still put-off by people just ignoring my emails!). Oh look, I could’ve used the right kind of brackets. Oh well.

I’ve been getting coffee out now and then, which Girlfriend has given me shit for. In her defense, and if she’s reading this (she doesn’t usually), I do know she means well. But it just didn’t sit right. I mean, I’ve been so broke for so long… Coffee is a small treat.

I might make some waffles this morning. I still have some leftover mixes from that time I temped at a kitchen store. It’s so crazy for me to think of that now, compared to what I’m striving for. But, stuff like that keeps you humble and helped me a little with bills for as long as it lasted. May as well see if the mix is still good.

____

Later…

Well, I’m out of that mix, but I found blueberry flapjack mix. I worked on teaching myself the whole pancake/flapjack making thing. The first one was lost to the pancake gods, the others were different experiments, but all good. Mostly, I’m just trying to find the right balance of heat.

Now, I have to decide if I want to get some pumpkin spice flavored waffle mix or not.

 

 

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Update

I developed a UTI because of course I did /sarcasm/… I’ve been in touch w/the doctor & will go have it checked out. Usually, I can just take stuff & it goes away, but this one is particularly nasty.

Through some strange work of the world, I am travelling the same digs as my (long-ago) ex-girlfriend, and it’s super weird. Thankfully, we never travelled those digs together, but her shadow looms large. She was so different when we went out… now I see who she projects to the world and it just makes me angry in that “good for your success, but you didn’t have to step over me to get there…” way. It was a long time ago, I should just release that, but I’m only human.

Speaking of being human, my body was not really on-board with much this week. I skipped the gym most of the week. I went to a yoga class, which honestly kinda sucked, but I was trying to give it my all. It turned out I liked the fill-in teacher better. This one was acting like I was slowing down the class & was trying to redirect me to other classes. Such a pain because I’ve actually studied Hatha pretty extensively, so if I’m doing a modification, it’s bleeping intentional, lady! Yeah, yoga’s not supposed to make you angry, so there’s that…

…and because of the UTI and just feeling super run-down and awful, I skipped the do-it-yourself PT and the strength training. I might go over the weekend if I feel better. Haven’t decided yet.

More or less, my mind races at full speed while my body goes at its own slow pace. Sometimes I look like I’m mad at the world, but really, I’m just in pain so much of the time, it’s not great.

Inside, though, most of the time, I’m content, even happy.I just think maybe I tried to take on too much too soon, but for now, I’m just trying to get through it. Maybe I’ll feel better about things once I’m physically feeling better.

 

 

Give Me Strength.

We have a right to be angry…

Stressor continues to greet me as though I am the largest piece of shit in the world. It makes it difficult to keep a solid day of believing in myself. I can’t avoid this person (well, any more than I have been), so mostly I’m just venting here for venting’s sake, and maybe a little reassurance.

An old friend of mine wrote to ask my opinion on something. On the one hand, it was overwhelming- because she was asking for a considered opinion, not a one-word answer. On the other, it was validating that she sees me as someone whose opinions are sought after.

The job hunt has not been going well in terms of seeing fruit for my labor. I have been vigilant and thorough in presenting myself in my best possible light, but so far, nothing. As we discussed in my last blog, I needed to step away and maybe find some balance. It. Is. Not. Easy. I’ll tell you that much. With me stressing myself out, bystanders asking how things are going, and Stressor breathing down my neck…

So, I have taken some time to do some “me stuff”. I got a haircut, teeth cleaned, etc. I spent today cleaning set-in stains off of my pillow and mattress cover- stains that happened during the medical stuff, and that really just bummed me out colossally thereafter.

I also did some cleaning up in the craft room. Again, I found some stuff from Xmas. I’m not really surprised. Things were much harder than… I went back and read my posts from the last two years. It shocked me. And validated me.

Girlfriend has been lovely, but she also wants me to be able to stand on my own two feet. At least she’s usually kinder about it though.

I also trimmed and polished my toenails, and I’m loving them. I did my fingernails, too, but the polish has since worn off.

My ankle continues to improve, but I keep tripping up on various things, which has made recovery from the break harder.

In the quiet, in the dark

…I sit writing, in Girlfriend’s bed that I helped pick out. She’s not here right now. I am drinking from her pretty blender bottle, enjoying her protein powder that tastes like a creamscicle. I prefer the one that tastes like fudge, and she knows this, but wanted me to give this one a try. It is good, but a little too acidic for my taste in the morning. This matters because my body is still complicated.

I have what I call “fuzzy tongue”, and I need to tell her this if we decide to swashbuckle tongues later on. But right now, in the quiet, alone time, mostly I am feeling it in my throat and lungs, and I know I will have to address it when I return home.

The pressure people are still pressuring me, as though I don’t give a shit and I sit around and eat bon-bons all day. I came to GF’s with my shoulders embedded into my ear canals, my back muscles tense, my ankle recently twisted while not yet fully recovered. I made what is kind of a sacrifice to the greater good, lending someone something that is worth money that I desperately need. I wanted a thank you. I didn’t get it. Instead, I got yelled at for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Something that typically happens when I am home.

I have had a few beers; one a day, really, and I have taken hot baths each day, and slowly my muscles are easing. I drink coffee, I eat well… yet, I have not resumed the application process. Lest you think I’m a slacker, I had been at it all day, every day since I’ve been back. I needed some time away. I guess I should really do some today.

My Two Cents

 

I’ve seen OITNB, Trolls, GirlBoss, and GLOW over the last few weeks. I liked all of them. OITNB was not well-received this season, but I found it… on point, I guess? “Good” isn’t really the right word for the season, but things like “well-portrayed” fit.

I found Trolls surprisingly moving at times, and visually lush. The music was great at times as well.

GirlBoss and GLOW… are both a little problematic for me, even though I enjoyed them. After I watched these, I looked up the real-life inspiration. I just don’t think I’d like the person GB was based off of, and oh, goodness, to read what the actual women of the real GLOW dealt with, and where they are or aren’t now was a little hard to take. The fact that the characters they helped create are being used on a show, (albeit with fictionalization), with no kickbacks coming to them is hard to reconcile.

 

More This & That

1 You’re gonna do WHAT with that?

I need a colonoscopy… and it’s coming up soon. I am mostly ok with it- not looking forward to it, but it will be nice to have the results.

 

2 MMM cookies!

I got “fat”. Please, let me call it what it is. Everyone irl has been sparing my feelings, which is nice, but a weight gain of about 15 lbs makes me feel fat. After everything I’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to just blurt it out, I think.

And why did I get fat? Well, I can now eat things I couldn’t eat before, and that is awesome. At least, that *may* be part of it. The other part is me trying to figure out the ins and outs of surgical menopause, which isn’t easy.

3

One of many exasperating, but not painful, symptoms.

But on the bright side, there’s this:

4

Yes, I am referencing actual dairy-based ice cream! I can eat it now! It turns out, the problems I experienced were due to my malfunctioning gallbladder! That’s pretty much all I’ve tried, but I’m looking forward to trying other former problem foods.

 

5

Yay! No more periods!

Boo! Surgical menopause is almost exactly like PMS (for me), but without the pain.

I’ve been cooking and eating, so there will be more of those types of posts on the way. But, I might not get to it until after the exam, for obvious reasons.

 

Take care! 🙂

Mac and Cheese 3

1

In preparation for the big snow, I decided to have another go at macaroni and cheese. As I’ve said before, I have odd intolerances that result in a hybrid of dairy/not-dairy whenever I recreate this classic dish.

Here are my previous attempts: 1) is a crockpot version that was my first serious attempt at homemade mac. 2) is a baked version that came straight from a book, and provided some very loose inspiration for this third attempt, which is my original baked creation.

 

Mac & Cheese 3:

Ingredients

1 stick Aged Cheddar

1 ball Mozzarella

3 slices American cheese

1 handful pre-shredded “Mexican blend” cheese

1 slice Pecorino Romano from the block, about 2″ x 3″ x 1/2″

Table Parmesan from the shaker (about a teaspoon)

1 cup fat free Greek yogurt

A splash of rice milk

A box of pasta, I used tiny shells

2 3/4 stick of butter

Bread crumbs-about a tablespoon

Fancy Cracker crumbs- about a teaspoon

Dijon Mustard

 

Tools:

Casserole dish large enough to fit everything

Large metal bowl (conducts heat)

Large spoon

Small measuring spoons

Mini-chopper

Knife & cutting board

Spatula to serve

Lid or plastic wrap to store

Butter spray

Microwave & microwave-safe small bowl

 

Method:

For the mac base, I…

Set the oven to 350F

Sprayed the casserole dish & set it aside

Boiled the pasta water & added pasta when ready (followed box instructions)

Cut the cheddar into blocks, then pulsed them in the mini-chopper

Dropped the cheddar into the bowl

Diced the mozzarella & added to bowl

Tore the American cheese & added to bowl

Diced the Pecorino & added to bowl

Melted butter in micro-safe bowl in microwave, about 35 seconds

Added a tablespoon of mustard (was a bit too much for me, fyi)

Poured butter into bowl with cheeses

Added yogurt, then a splash of rice milk

Drained pasta

Poured pasta into bowl

Stirred

Filled casserole dish & packed down

 

For the crust, I…

Sprinkled the fancy cracker crumbs over the top of the cheesy pasta

Then sprinkled the bread crumbs on top of the mixture

Then added a layer of “Mexican shredded cheese”

Then sprinkled Parmesan on top of that

 

Baking:

I baked it for about 45 minutes, checking after the first 30

 

Serving:

Obviously, it’s best if you can wait a little bit for it to set, but I ate the first portion almost immediately. I use a flat spatula to portion it out into card-deck shaped pieces… although the depth is about 2 packs!

 

Storing:

Then, I just put plastic wrap over the casserole dish, wait for it to cool down, and keep it in the fridge. I usually finish in about a week. I wouldn’t recommend keeping it past that.

 

Enjoy! 🙂

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds- First Try!

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There are a thousand ways to roast pumpkin seeds, and pretty much every way is the right way, as long as you like them when you’re finished. The recipe I used was published years ago by a friend of a friend, so I would feel bad violating the copyright, if only in spirit, by reproducing it exactly as written. But, the basic ingredients are worcestershire sauce, butter, salt, pepper, and a lot of patience.

This was a new experience for me. I have these seeds every year, but in the past, my only part in their creation was designing the jack-o-lanterns and de-gooing them. Although I don’t have it down to a science just yet, I still had a nice time working on them.

Once the seeds are de-gooed/separated, they are soaked in water. (I soaked mine overnight in Tupperware). Then, they need to be dried. I sandwiched them in between paper towels for about 3 hours. (You don’t really need to wait that long. I set them up after lunch & de-toweled them after dinner, because, you know, life…)

Once they are somewhat dry, they go into a bowl with the seasonings & sauce, while the oven preheats on low. I lined two lasagna pans with aluminum foil, spread out the seeds in one even layer & topped them with pats of butter. Once they are in, they are supposed to be checked and stirred every 15 minutes. I checked & stirred them every 30 and they were fine. They are done when they are completely crispy- not chewy.

It was a pretty successful first try. Apparently, I went a little light on the seasonings. Mine were also slightly chewy, but I still enjoyed them by the handful. I think this would probably make a nice Thanksgiving/Autumnal snack, before the Winter season is upon us.

Happy Harvest! 🙂

 

BFF Vegan Chili

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One of my BFFs threw a party a few weeks back & served this amazing chili. The recipe itself is vegan, though there was a cheese option for those who wanted it.

She found the recipe here. For my milk allergic friends, vegans, and/or those who want to cut back on milk, it looks like it could be a good resource. I can tell you from firsthand experience that this chili was amazing. Yum!

Enjoy! 🙂