In the quiet, in the dark

…I sit writing, in Girlfriend’s bed that I helped pick out. She’s not here right now. I am drinking from her pretty blender bottle, enjoying her protein powder that tastes like a creamscicle. I prefer the one that tastes like fudge, and she knows this, but wanted me to give this one a try. It is good, but a little too acidic for my taste in the morning. This matters because my body is still complicated.

I have what I call “fuzzy tongue”, and I need to tell her this if we decide to swashbuckle tongues later on. But right now, in the quiet, alone time, mostly I am feeling it in my throat and lungs, and I know I will have to address it when I return home.

The pressure people are still pressuring me, as though I don’t give a shit and I sit around and eat bon-bons all day. I came to GF’s with my shoulders embedded into my ear canals, my back muscles tense, my ankle recently twisted while not yet fully recovered. I made what is kind of a sacrifice to the greater good, lending someone something that is worth money that I desperately need. I wanted a thank you. I didn’t get it. Instead, I got yelled at for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Something that typically happens when I am home.

I have had a few beers; one a day, really, and I have taken hot baths each day, and slowly my muscles are easing. I drink coffee, I eat well… yet, I have not resumed the application process. Lest you think I’m a slacker, I had been at it all day, every day since I’ve been back. I needed some time away. I guess I should really do some today.

Things left in the dust

Your plants

Your mail

Your bills

Your trash

Your fresh food

Your laundry

 

…pretty much anything you had on your mind that day.

____________________

Notes to myself:

Plants: significant to me because one was inherited, and I was very upset for that reason.

Solution: Tough to anticipate, but blown glass slow waterer is a thought.

 

Mail: I really didn’t think of it. I got one delivery, but the rest piled up.

Solution: Make arrangements.

 

Bills: The ones that slipped my mind were yearly.

Solution: Not too much that I could’ve done here, since things I missed were mailed. Pay more attention, I guess?

 

Trash: I had no idea. Completely forgot that I had plans to take out the trash. So, coffee grounds sat for 2 months both in the trash & the machine.

Solution: Keep up with trash.

 

Fresh food: Another thing that slipped my mind. It wasn’t terrible, but there were a couple of things that had to go.

Solution: I guess just be more aware of what’s in there. Hard to think about stuff like this when you’re in pain, though. I guess it falls under “make arrangements”.

 

Laundry: I’m nearly always behind on my laundry, and I was that day.

Solution: Try to keep up with laundry.

 

 

Afterwards

At the moment, my biggest concern is lethargy and weight gain. I don’t know the cause. My usually wonderful doctors have been entertaining in trying to come up with their theories.

  • No, not depressed. At least as far as I know, I’m not. Like anyone else, I have good days and bad, but that’s part of living, isn’t it? It’s also, admittedly, a bit of a bummer when, after all this craziness, I am still tired and overweight 😛

 

  • I am not having an anxiety attack when I get tired from exercising. I’d like to award points for effort, but no. Sorry.

 

  • A nurse guessed the hysterectomy, and I’m far more inclined to believe that than anything else I’ve heard thus far.

 

As for me… well, I’m with my readers, who’ve guessed it’s probably a combo deal: hysterectomy + sitting around recovering + maybe the meds… I’m going to ask more docs for their input.

What I’m doing: Keeping in mind that we are only mid-week, so far this week has been about trying to reverse some bad habits I’ve picked up. Yes, I’ve eaten things I wasn’t eating before… but not enough to account for the switch from a M to an XL. Sorry, no. (Can I add that it’s reallllllly annoying when drs who really don’t know my case throw out guesses like that. No, I’m not just fat. I think I know my own body.)