At the moment, my biggest concern is lethargy and weight gain. I don’t know the cause. My usually wonderful doctors have been entertaining in trying to come up with their theories.
- No, not depressed. At least as far as I know, I’m not. Like anyone else, I have good days and bad, but that’s part of living, isn’t it? It’s also, admittedly, a bit of a bummer when, after all this craziness, I am still tired and overweight 😛
- I am not having an anxiety attack when I get tired from exercising. I’d like to award points for effort, but no. Sorry.
- A nurse guessed the hysterectomy, and I’m far more inclined to believe that than anything else I’ve heard thus far.
As for me… well, I’m with my readers, who’ve guessed it’s probably a combo deal: hysterectomy + sitting around recovering + maybe the meds… I’m going to ask more docs for their input.
What I’m doing: Keeping in mind that we are only mid-week, so far this week has been about trying to reverse some bad habits I’ve picked up. Yes, I’ve eaten things I wasn’t eating before… but not enough to account for the switch from a M to an XL. Sorry, no. (Can I add that it’s reallllllly annoying when drs who really don’t know my case throw out guesses like that. No, I’m not just fat. I think I know my own body.)
Girlfriend got me this pedometer for the holidays. It’s an apt metaphor, and I also like it. It doesn’t ask a lot of me in regard to upload/download overload. I just clip and go, which makes me want to use it more.
Just a reminder… I had surgeries and procedures and this, that and the other thing, so please no judgements when I start talking numbers.
In other words, I am starting from a near-geriatric pace. I know that. It’s ok. For me, it’s more about being able to sustain motion… which I can’t do as well as I would like right now. I am also starting from a point of obesity- also, for real, need no judgement- because it’s related to the medical challenges I’ve faced.
The good news is, I am feeling better enough to start… something. I would not call it exercise, but I guess, yes, it’s exercising. I’m walking around places just to get the feel for walking. I’m counting steps to know my limits when I overdo it. And it’s helping. I can do this.
So, you guys know that “Losing my Religion” was not about actual religion, right? To me, it’s common knowledge, but I wasn’t sure if people would get it if I chose that for a title.
It was/is an expression, basically meaning, “at your wits’ end”, and that’s where I’m finding myself today. It’s been pouring and grey and windy all day- only now I see a beautiful little bit on sunset. I’ve spent today in my lady cave, sorta pondering the mysteries of my own private universe.
Things with the roomy are on and off, and honestly, it makes things hard sometimes. As a creative type, I feel things pretty intensely- some say, too intensely, but then again, that’s what makes me… me… you know?
I’m working on the job thing, and while I don’t want or need ‘How To’ advice on that front, I could use some virtual pats on the back. When I’m feeling sad about other stuff, it’s hard to find the self-confidence I need to put in a nice application. Is this common? Do you ever feel this way? I hope it’s not just me. I kinda wanted to make a reference to Manic Monday in this post too, but my Monday isn’t Manic. I just feel losery in the way that song describes, except they are referring to actually having a job. Ah well, big-haired nostalgia helps anyway.
I’ve been struggling to find words for this blog, so in lieu of a mighty creative post, here are just a few little updates:
I’m looking for a job now. I’d like to say that’s what’s keeping me off of here, but that’s not really true.
My health is coming along. Aside from an epic fall on some pavement the other day, resulting miraculously in only a skinned knee and some bruising, I’m doing alright.
Weight gain. I really, really don’t know what to do about this. It might be the surgical menopause. It might be the medications I needed post-surgery. But, I am huge. I don’t like this, but what’s the alternative?
Exercise. I am happy enough with having my mobility back. I don’t know exactly what I can and cannot handle. Working on working this out.
Food. The weight gain isn’t entirely from food. There are one or two things I’ve changed for the worse, but all in all, I eat similarly, and for some reason, am bigger. So, here, what do I do, right? I guess I am really just trying for some balance- more protein, bringing back some of my older, better habits.