Update

I developed a UTI because of course I did /sarcasm/… I’ve been in touch w/the doctor & will go have it checked out. Usually, I can just take stuff & it goes away, but this one is particularly nasty.

Through some strange work of the world, I am travelling the same digs as my (long-ago) ex-girlfriend, and it’s super weird. Thankfully, we never travelled those digs together, but her shadow looms large. She was so different when we went out… now I see who she projects to the world and it just makes me angry in that “good for your success, but you didn’t have to step over me to get there…” way. It was a long time ago, I should just release that, but I’m only human.

Speaking of being human, my body was not really on-board with much this week. I skipped the gym most of the week. I went to a yoga class, which honestly kinda sucked, but I was trying to give it my all. It turned out I liked the fill-in teacher better. This one was acting like I was slowing down the class & was trying to redirect me to other classes. Such a pain because I’ve actually studied Hatha pretty extensively, so if I’m doing a modification, it’s bleeping intentional, lady! Yeah, yoga’s not supposed to make you angry, so there’s that…

…and because of the UTI and just feeling super run-down and awful, I skipped the do-it-yourself PT and the strength training. I might go over the weekend if I feel better. Haven’t decided yet.

More or less, my mind races at full speed while my body goes at its own slow pace. Sometimes I look like I’m mad at the world, but really, I’m just in pain so much of the time, it’s not great.

Inside, though, most of the time, I’m content, even happy.I just think maybe I tried to take on too much too soon, but for now, I’m just trying to get through it. Maybe I’ll feel better about things once I’m physically feeling better.

 

 

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Update

 

I tripped over 3 things in the past 2 weeks, and consequently, did not keep up with my PT. Was it justified? I don’t know. I know the first time, it was pretty bad, and I felt like it really needed to rest. The other two were just precautionary, and then I think I got lazy. It happens.

My mental state isn’t that great right now. I’m bummed because Stressor is stressing me out, and because I got a few rejections in my Inbox. Nothing says lovin’ like, “You’re awesome, but pass.” Granted, no one said exactly that… but still…

I am dieting… Am I dieting? I don’t know. All I know is that I decided to document my calorie intake, and after only two days of doing this, I’m already trying to lower it. I am also trying to break my newly-acquired soda habit. I had one today instead of two. I also had a sandwich with it, and that nearly doubled my calorie intake for the day, but I had to do something, I was feeling so blah.

Am I depressed? I don’t think so. It’s more like external pressures are pressuring me, and I’m just trying to stay afloat.

Plan for the day you are hit by a bus

I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha

 

In the US workforce, there’s an expression, “Plan for the day you are hit by a bus.” It means that a smart employer, and an understanding employee would know better than to make one person “indispensable”. I use quotes because none of us are indispensable. The best we can hope for is to make ourselves valuable.

So, that day when you are hit by the metaphorical bus, what happens? You are busy performing triage on the situation, meanwhile, life continues on….

All of the sudden, it is May. I was in the nursing home/rehab/I mostly called it hospital when writing about it… almost exactly TWO MONTHS. Right now, I feel as if I would no longer choose inpatient rehab. Yes, there should be a dash in that word, but the way I have it is much more appropriate.

I was treated in what is basically an old folks home. I am not that old of a folk. But, I’ve mentioned before, our healthcare works in mysterious ways. I don’t think I would make the same decision now, but understand, I was asked the question while heavily medicated post-surgery and in a hospital bed, and I did not want to burden my family.

But, on to the present… I have bills near due and possibly past due, my favorite plant is nearly gone, my rice milk sat in the fridge since March…. I’m just really overwhelmed. I decided to stop all my meds bc I am tired of it, but I am wondering if I should go back on one. But, the thing is, it is normal and natural to feel overwhelmed in a situation like this, yes? So, I don’t know.

When we last left my life, I was trying to find a job. The only interesting thing that happened on this front was that I filled out a questionnaire… I had to borrow an outdated machine to do it, but of course, I was grateful. I haven’t heard anything since then, so onward.

I am supposed to start outpatient PT in a couple of weeks. Right now, in this moment, I don’t feel like going. I am sick of Drs and hospitals and everything having to do with them.

My life in the old folks home consisted of me going to music classes to prepare for the yearly talent show. I also did arts and crafts. That part of life was sweet. I made friends and influenced no one. People said such wonderful things to me when I was leaving- that I was beautiful and kind hearted and that they will miss talking to me. I will miss this.

I am totally overwhelmed because I don’t have tons of help. GF helps, but wants me, quite rightly, to be independent. This is hard, because when we are weak, we tend to overburden those we love. I think my friends and family are sick of me being sick. GF says I have been feeling sorry for myself. I do. And I feel jealous of people who seem to have their lives together more than I do. Friends and family who are married with kids, living in houses…

So, it’s a tough day, internet friends, but your posts are a great distraction…

 

Easter at the ankle fixing facility

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This is a bunny I made from random stuff in my room. Easter is kinda like this bunny in that I am trying to make something out of nothing.

I slept all day, almost literally, if it weren’t for the meal interludes. The best meal today was the one I scraped together from gifts from the Girlfriend: canned ravioli, special vegan protein drink, and some fancy chocolate with fruit in it. I feel like Easter started with that meal.

I hid from the world and slept, which, if you are reasonably healthy here, aside from broken things, you can occasionally get away with. No one came to visit me on Easter, which sucks so much. There were visitors everywhere and just hearing them from behind my closed door was already too much to handle. I have this great neighbor who kept knocking, for what it’s worth, but I couldnt make it to the door in time and didnt want to try. As cool as dormmates can be, sometimes you just need to be alone, to contemplate your aloneness. What can I say, I’m a complicated being.

Girlfriend is away this Easter, as is often the case, so the gifts were from previous visits. The whatnow family was busy doing things that did not involve me, and to be fair, most were away as well. So, it’s not personal. It just feel that way sometimes, which makes weekends here the hardest for me. Then Sunday, I remember my ankle homework and take the time to complete it, or not, but usually I do.

I have a nearly completed Easter egg that needs finishing too. It actually looks pretty good half finished, so thats nice.

I have also watched so many food shows its unbelieveable. I cant wait until this thing is fixed.

More This & That

1 You’re gonna do WHAT with that?

I need a colonoscopy… and it’s coming up soon. I am mostly ok with it- not looking forward to it, but it will be nice to have the results.

 

2 MMM cookies!

I got “fat”. Please, let me call it what it is. Everyone irl has been sparing my feelings, which is nice, but a weight gain of about 15 lbs makes me feel fat. After everything I’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to just blurt it out, I think.

And why did I get fat? Well, I can now eat things I couldn’t eat before, and that is awesome. At least, that *may* be part of it. The other part is me trying to figure out the ins and outs of surgical menopause, which isn’t easy.

3

One of many exasperating, but not painful, symptoms.

But on the bright side, there’s this:

4

Yes, I am referencing actual dairy-based ice cream! I can eat it now! It turns out, the problems I experienced were due to my malfunctioning gallbladder! That’s pretty much all I’ve tried, but I’m looking forward to trying other former problem foods.

 

5

Yay! No more periods!

Boo! Surgical menopause is almost exactly like PMS (for me), but without the pain.

I’ve been cooking and eating, so there will be more of those types of posts on the way. But, I might not get to it until after the exam, for obvious reasons.

 

Take care! 🙂

Blueberry Muffins: First Try!

1

I’m slowly getting back into my groove. This is the first baking I’ve done in a while, excluding the boxed cake I mentioned a while back.

I’d never actually made blueberry muffins from scratch before. This recipe was quick and easy. I liked that. The muffin tops were flat because I’d tried a commenter’s suggestion to add sugar to the top mid-bake. Um, no. Don’t bother. I much rather would have tall muffins instead of the little bit of extra sugar. Live and learn.

Otherwise, the muffins are moist and chewy, and are now half-gone. So, it was a success. Next time, I’m thinking of trying a different recipe to see how they compare.

Enjoy! 🙂

Re-learning BBQ

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While I’ve certainly eaten my share of BBQ, can you believe I’d not yet made myself any since starting this blog? It’s been ages since I BBQ’d- so long, in fact, that I’d forgotten how to do it. So, these are my first and second attempts at BBQ.

 

BBQ #1:

Quorn cutlets marinated in BBQ sauce

Baked Beans

Corn

 

BBQ #2:

Same as above, with pepper and tomato substituting for the corn.

 

Dessert:

Smores, obviously.

 

Leftovers:

So far, my favorite thing to do with the leftovers is dice the patties, place them in the beans, cover them with something microwave-safe, and heat them up together. Yum!

 

Observations:

I made some mistakes, but I’m learning.

  • I forgot to soak the corn before grilling. I will probably search for an actual recipe to maximize the flavor.
  • At first I didn’t realize you had to stir the beans.
  • The tomatoes did nothing on the grill. I would say “don’t bother”, but I’m pretty sure this failure was due to inexperience.
  • The grill took a very long time to heat up both times. It turned out that I needed to clean it. …Done.
  • While one of the first Quorn patties looks burnt at first glance, closer examination reveals that it was just a surface coating. Both sets tasted absolutely delicious. In fact, the patties from the first BBQ were actually better than those from the second!

Lowfat Indoor-Grilled Vegetables

1

Perfect for rainy summer days: This was so easy- and it was delicious!

1. I pre-heated the indoor grill (which involved all of plugging it in and waiting for the light to come on- it takes a few minutes).

2. Meanwhile, I sliced the zucchini using a knife & cutting board.

3. By that time, the grill was ready, and I put the zucchini slices on the grill.

4. While that was going, I de-stemmed the babybella mushrooms and filled them with low-fat feta cheese.

5. Some of the slices stuck to the top, so I was careful when prying them off. Then, I put the zucchini slices on a plate & spritzed with garlic-infused extra virgin olive oil.  I’d say it was about 4 minutes.

6. I put the mushroom caps face up on the grill. They took about 1-2 minutes, and required a vigilant eye. They also stuck to the top, which was more of a hassle/small mess because cheese was involved. I felt it was worth it.

7. I put the asparagus spears on next and they were fine. They also took about 4 minutes. No sticking issues. I spritzed them with the evoo also.

My intention was to halve the entire thing, but I ended up eating all of the mushrooms and halving the rest. So yummy!

Enjoy! 🙂