I’ve been impressing myself lately.
- stopped to get milk & coffee (in my pjs, but I don’t even care)
- started the laundry
- started a soup in the crockpot, which involved cutting vegetables early in the morning
- made my quickie saucepaste, with slight modification: cutting out the tomato goo from the Romas
- dumped & cleaned my tomato plant rig
- made a lovely tomato/mozz melt with the saucepaste
In general, I’m happy to report, I’m really doing pretty well. I still have one very big milestone to hit, but otherwise, I truck through pain & swelling ok. Yeah, that’s not great, but at least I’m out & about.
I’ve gone into the city a couple of times, which was so cathartic for me. Part of me wants to move back, part of me doesn’t know if I should take smaller bites out of life first.
I’ve gone to the sports arena a couple of times. I’ve gone on public transportation and dealt with crazy vertical stairs as well. I can muster up a decent pace walking in a straight line now— unless I’ve done too much that day, then I start walking like Lurch again. It’s not bad.
I do not have time for the shit of the bull these days. I am a decent and kind person. As I get better, my capacity for shining is coming back. It can be threatening, I guess? Though I try to remind myself that it is not my problem. Some people just aren’t kind and decent people.
There are all kinds of decisions that have to be made, which basically boil down to how I want to live my life. I don’t really have anyone to talk to right now about most of it, because ultimately it boils down to what I want for myself.
I’ve been setting small goals. I am working on letting go of perfect, but I do get closer to my idea of perfection now. I am intelligent by nature, and well… not be be rude, but some people aren’t, and don’t like those that are. …Giving myself the freedom to be ok with people not liking me…
I guess, it’s hard… For me to accept that. But that is a fundamental truth about the human existence. We don’t all have to like each other. Meanwhile, I am becoming stronger. I will need that strength.