In the quiet, in the dark

…I sit writing, in Girlfriend’s bed that I helped pick out. She’s not here right now. I am drinking from her pretty blender bottle, enjoying her protein powder that tastes like a creamscicle. I prefer the one that tastes like fudge, and she knows this, but wanted me to give this one a try. It is good, but a little too acidic for my taste in the morning. This matters because my body is still complicated.

I have what I call “fuzzy tongue”, and I need to tell her this if we decide to swashbuckle tongues later on. But right now, in the quiet, alone time, mostly I am feeling it in my throat and lungs, and I know I will have to address it when I return home.

The pressure people are still pressuring me, as though I don’t give a shit and I sit around and eat bon-bons all day. I came to GF’s with my shoulders embedded into my ear canals, my back muscles tense, my ankle recently twisted while not yet fully recovered. I made what is kind of a sacrifice to the greater good, lending someone something that is worth money that I desperately need. I wanted a thank you. I didn’t get it. Instead, I got yelled at for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Something that typically happens when I am home.

I have had a few beers; one a day, really, and I have taken hot baths each day, and slowly my muscles are easing. I drink coffee, I eat well… yet, I have not resumed the application process. Lest you think I’m a slacker, I had been at it all day, every day since I’ve been back. I needed some time away. I guess I should really do some today.

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2 thoughts on “In the quiet, in the dark

  1. Everyone needs some time away from whatever it is they are going through! I remember being unemployed and still taking a day or two at the weekend to step away from the applications / the stress / the uncertainty. It’s the only way not to buckle under the pressure and stay relatively happy. The pressure pple (love it) would do well to remember that

    • *Hugs* Thanks for getting it. Yes, I feel the same- happiness is more important than some people realize. If you show up to an interview with a sourpuss, who is going to want to be around you? I wish I could change the way those people feel sometimes… but, at least I have GF and others who try their best to be helpful.

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